Mama showed signs of dementia in her late fifties, but at that time none of us recognized at first what later became obvious. Her decline gradually left her unable to speak or even walk. My story, "The Valentine's Sweetheart," about her late middle stage, appears below.
Today Huntington Beach staged its Walk for ALZ, and my H-W Senior Living apartment complex neighbors and I joined our management team in a fundraising walk for this devastating disease. As always, our Activities Director Kathie Hurley managed to ensure that we all had a great time, even topping off the morning with brunch for us at Jack in the Box.
The Huntington Beach weather cooperated, with a heavy marine layer that didn't lift until our two-mile walk from the registration booths to the pier and back had been completed. We had a great time visiting the exhibits and learning about resources for caregivers, and assisted living facilities. We also collected a variety of pens, Halloween candy, apples, nuts and fans from exhibitors.
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| Jack's Chicken Fajita Pita for lunch |
To see the warning signs of Alzheimer's, check this link:
https://www.alz.org/10-signs-symptoms-alzheimers-dementia.asp
My story about Mama appeared in 2009 in HCI's book, The Ultimate Mom:
The Valentine Sweetheart
As a nurse escorted her to the
center of the recreation room, I remembered Mama’s insistence that she’d been born
dancing. “I tapped right on Mother’s tummy,” she’d joke. I’d seen photos of her
pre-teen self in tap shoes or tutus, but I never could coax her into
demonstrating any of her childhood routines. “My mother made me drop those
lessons for fear that my legs would get too muscled,” Mama recalled.
In the early ‘40’s, Mama favored a
jazz step called Truckin.’ One day when I came home from 1st
grade to help start supper, she was shuffling perkily pigeon-toed across the
speckled kitchen linoleum as the Philco Transitone atop the dinette table
blared, “Don’t Sit Under the Apple Tree.” Left hand clutching her
midriff, right index finger wagging like a windshield wiper, in what she
assured me was authentic Truckin’ style, she’d nimbly sidestepped Suzie, her
latest adopted tabby.
She winked at me as she snatched up
the potato peeler. I joined her and the Andrew Sisters in the final chorus,
“Anyone else but me, no, no, no,” shook my own index finger once or twice, and
began to set the table.
The summer before I started high
school Mama taught me the Lindy Hop so that I could go to Town Club dances at
the local playground and not be embarrassed. By then I was taking tap and
ballet lessons myself, but when it came to pirouettes or plies, or even a
Shuffle Off to Buffalo
tap maneuver, no amount of pleading could persuade Mama to perform.
Now Mama glanced vacantly around
the rec room before bending her head forward to sniff at the crimson carnation
corsage pinned to her shoulder. The staff had chosen Mama as Valentine’s Day
Sweetheart. I had taken time off work to come to the afternoon party. She wore
her favorite but now-faded pink checked gingham dress, and her now-white hair
looked freshly coiffed. She’d been an ash blonde for so many years I’d
forgotten it wasn’t her original color. I think she had, too.
A tanned male nursing attendant,
who looked more suited for a surfboard than a dance floor, switched on the
stereo. Tommy Dorsey’s sweet trombone swung out on the opening bars of “I’m
Getting Sentimental Over You.” It had been my parents’ favorite. Their
eyes lit up when it came on the radio, and they would leap up and whirl around
the living room. Now Mama smiled, as if she remembered those other days. A
nurse stepped forward and snapped her photo.
The attendant surprised me by
gliding towards Mama, proffering his right hand. She moved into his arms and
they began to float together in an elegant fox trot, each breaking into grins
as applause and cheers erupted from the other residents of the long term care
home. I had not witnessed mirth illuminate Mama’s face for a long while. Other
residents clambered out of their chairs to join in, snagging partners and
tottering towards the floor.
I wondered if Mama would recognize
me. The last time I visited she told folks that I was her mother. The time
before she thought I was a neighbor. Once or twice she didn’t know me at all. I
just never could tell.
Her partner twirled her out, and
Mama double stepped, not missing a beat, despite the pink satin slippers she
wore instead of her customary high-heeled pumps. Mama had always worn high
heels, probably because father was a full foot taller than her barely 5’ ½ “. That
half-inch had always been important to her, and she always emphasized it when
people asked her height.
A silver-plaited lady to the right
of me, strapped to her wheelchair, began to sing along in a soft but true
soprano, petting a tortoise-shell cat curled up in her lap. “Won’t you please
be kind, and just make up your mind, that you’ll be sweet and gentle, gentle with
me?” I smiled but she turned away, falling silent once more.
The music stopped. Her partner led
Mama towards the vacant seat to my left, but as they neared, she spied the cat
and veered towards it. “Suzie,” she murmured, “Suzie.” The wheelchair-bound
woman held up the cat, and Mama snatched it and cuddled it to her bosom. All of
her female strays had been Suzies. She called the males Tom. Once two appeared,
brothers, she said, so we had both Tom and Tom Tom.
She sat beside me, petting the cat.
“Mama,” I whispered, as the music started up again. This time it was “Little
White Lies,” and again a few dancers took the floor. “Mama.” I reached
out my hand and patted her arm. She tore her eyes away from the cat and looked
towards me blankly.
One of the nurses approached. “This
is your mother, right? She’s been practicing her dance steps all week. That’s
why we decided to make her our Valentine Sweetheart. The others were in favor
of it, too.” Her hand swept the room. “You know, only three or four here have
dementia. The others are simply aged. But your mom has been a favorite, because
she’s always willing to get up and dance and to show others how.”
I nodded. In the early days even
when all the family began to notice that something was not quite right, Mama
still would dance. She’d fox trot with my father. When my brother visited,
he’d teach her county line dances and west coast swing. One Easter, the entire
family, me, brothers, parents, aunts and uncles, all joined in a raucous Bunny
Hop around the living room before heading towards the kitchen to feast on
Mama’s signature tamale pie and cherry fruit salad. That was the last family
get-together before father died.
Suddenly Mama looked at me, her
eyes twinkling. “My sister!” she exclaimed, turning to the nurse. “This is
Terri, my sister.” I nodded. At least she had my name right. “How are you
feeling, Mama?” I asked. But the vacant look had reappeared.
One of the few gentlemen residents
walked up. “Luella,” he said, “Would you care to dance?” Mama jumped to
her feet, dumped Suzie into my lap, and clasped her hands in front of her waist.
Then she twirled twice and executed a perfect arabesque, which she held for
several seconds. A few people clapped, and Mama applauded herself, too, before
bowing graciously. She glanced in my direction and I like to think our eyes
caught. The old man laughed, took her hand, and off they glissaded to join the
group already swaying to Dorsey. This time it was “Autumn in New York.”
Actually it was winter in Southern California, and I had to get back to work. It
had been an eventful afternoon. Mama had remembered my name. It was the last
time she ever did. More remarkably, I finally had seen her perform one of those
dance moves I’d longed for throughout my childhood.
Even now, I still regret not asking
the nurse for a copy of that photo. Mama had been my Valentine sweetheart, too,
my lost, but sweet and beloved, funny Valentine.
