Another Fine Day
“The afternoon knows what the morning
never suspected.” –Robert Frost
The morning I turned 70, I sipped pomegranate tea and
reminisced about other landmark birthdays. I’d celebrated my 50th with escargot
at an award-winning French restaurant in Ensenada,
right before I joined the Peace Corps. On my 60th I’d hiked over moonlit trails
in Seychelles
with friends in the Hash House Harriers.
Now I was tucking another decade behind me. Did I fear
aging? Hmmm. Only one birthday ever scared me, my 26th, when I thought I’d have
to relinquish my dream of becoming a writer.
I’d finished a student teaching assignment at a school that
subsequently hired me to teach English and journalism. My then husband had been
jubilant.
“It’s wonderful that you’ll have a steady job,” he’d said.
“Teachers get good retirement pensions and solid medical coverage.”
How I’d scowled at his well-meaning comment! I might as well
have been 70, instead of merely 26. Goodbye to youth and dreams, bylines and
best sellers. They’d be replaced by lesson plans, bulletin board exhibits, and
report cards. Now I’d be a grown-up with a full-time grown-up job. Reality had
tackled and wrestled me to the ground. I’d become a stereotypical respectable
middle-class wage earner, abandoning forever the hope of living my dream as a
wild-hearted Bohemian writer.
All the time I’d been accumulating credits towards my
teaching credential, I’d thought of myself as a promising young writer, even
though I’d been married since shortly before my eighteenth birthday, and two
years later had become a mother. Now I felt the hot breath of middle-age on my
shoulder, and I believed then, as Yogi Berra had once remarked, that my future
lay behind me. Since I’d written my first poem in seventh grade, I’d seen
myself as a budding Edna St. Vincent Millay. Instead, I was destined to become
a hair-in-a-bun drudge.
On that eve of that long ago birthday, our beloved Dodgers
weren’t playing, so my five-year-old, Steve, and I didn’t spend our evening as
we usually did, glued to the radio. He went to bed early, and I picked up my
novel. For the past week I’d been reading Herman Wouk’s classic Youngblood Hawke, an indelible portrait
about staying true to a writer’s dream. I’d been nearing the last chapters, and
couldn’t put the book down.
I finished the final page shortly before dawn, crept up the
stairs and crawled into bed, tears trickling down my cheeks as I envisioned the
parade of gray days of my future. I shuddered, picturing myself correcting
papers, diagramming sentences, and brushing chalk from my drab schoolmarm
clothing.
When I awoke, I turned on my favorite radio station KRLA as
The Chiffons burst into their rollicking “One Fine Day,” a song with a message
of hope. I brightened. Maybe somehow I’d find a way to continue to write. Maybe
I wouldn’t have to give up my dream altogether. That night Warren Spahn finally
beat the Dodgers on their home turf, breaking a losing record that stretched
back over a decade. Maybe that was a sign. After all, Spahn hadn’t given up
hope. Then we all piled into the old Chevy and went to the drive-in to see Bye Bye Birdie.
Any day, I concluded, could be one fine day.
The night I turned 70, Steve phoned me. I explained how I’d
been remembering that earlier birthday.
“Yes!” he exclaimed, “I remember how cute Ann-Margret looked
with the credits rolling across her face at the end of that movie. And it’s
funny that the Dodgers lost that game to Spahn on your birthday, because that
was the year they went on to sweep the Yankees in the World Series.”
As it played out, I taught for only three years, and then
segued into another career as a social worker. Eventually I joined the Peace
Corps and saw more of the world than I’d ever hoped. And as the years passed, I
continued to write and to publish.
I never become a novelist, as I’d anticipated. Somehow I’d
lacked the discipline to set aside the requisite chunks of time. Nonetheless, I
stole evenings here and afternoons there. I wrote and sold articles and essays,
book reviews, travel pieces, and author interviews. I never ceased to be
delighted when I saw my byline in newspapers and magazines. The thought that
somebody might be enjoying something I’d written continued to inspire me. With
each submission, I kept my dream alive. It didn’t matter that I’d never written
fiction or that my name never made a best-seller list. I had clippings galore.
So on this birthday I savored my special day, my fine day. I
fed the dogs and cats and transplanted the zinnia seedlings. Every year I’d
plant those seeds, and hope they wouldn’t get nipped by a late frost. I paused
frequently to marvel at the myriads of butterflies fluttering around the
poppies and delphinium in the front garden. The garden teemed with life. So did
my spirits.
Later, I lost a game to my second husband at cards. “Happy
birthday,” Ken chirruped, plunking down his second gin hand. I opened his gift,
a crystal unicorn, rampant over a sapphire blue heart. I touched up my
pecan-hued hair and sprayed myself with honeysuckle. I donned a navy dress with
a splashy flowered border, and coaxed Ken to photograph me in the garden by the
scarlet Asian lilies, flowers against flowers.
We drove to town where he treated me to an Early Bird Supper
at the Oak Street Grill. I savored every bite of my lemon garlic salmon. In the
evening we watched Jeopardy, read the
local papers, caught the results show of So
You Think You Can Dance, relieved that our favorites had made it through
another round.
Then shortly before midnight, I sat down at my computer and
finished an essay I’d started earlier, about how writing, like sowing zinnia
seeds, calls for an act of faith. You put your words down on paper, just like
you plant seeds in the soil, and hope they’ll bloom and that somebody eventually
will find them entrancing. I’d seen a call out earlier for stories on gardening
for an anthology. I submitted mine.
Since then I’ve had over a hundred true stories accepted by
a variety of anthologies. So I don't doubt that indeed I am a writer. I’m not
haunted by the ghost of failure. Bohemian? Maybe mildly…I've recently embarked
on a new adventure
Ken died a few years ago. Eventually I realized it was time
to tackle another dream. I've moved back to Southern
California, a radical downsize, to a tiny apartment. Though I miss
the zinnias, I can admire roses and pansies in December in the gardens of my
senior living complex. As a bonus, I now have more time to write.
So at long last I'm determined to devote this coming year to
short stories…yes, finally, fiction. If not now, when? But I won't abandon
creative non-fiction. My 78th birthday now looms on the horizon. I’m betting
it, too, will be one fine day. I know I'll write about it. I'm still wild at
heart.
xxxxx
Thank you, Steve Elders, for the fabulous Christmas gift of taking me to revisit the summer of '63, when it really was still morning in America. Or, as he tells me, "before it turned into mourning in America."
